March 13, 2018, 6:23PM
Making wishes
I’ve been around for 30 years today. I keep thinking I’ll have something profound to say. I should be brimming with sage, unsolicited advice for some lost and confused 20 year old. In the days leading up to this, I found myself saying over and over, to whoever broached the birthday subject, “I feel just like I did when I was 20.” If you are like me, you still think it’s cute to downplay things.
The truth is, I’ve learned a lot in my 30 years. It's been a ride. I know now that there are things about myself that can’t be changed, and that is a really good thing. Those stubborn things serve as the foundation of me. They are the things that house the rest of me that’s growing and changing over time and experiences. I'm not sure that I have to turn into this whole other future person. There isn’t really a “when I grow up” any more. Now it’s more, “what will I add to this house that I’m building”. Or better, to this boat, since my home isn’t always in one place.
I’m learning, slowly, to see the value in the things that make me who I am. To stand firm in these things, and use them to steer me in the direction of my future. Of course we should evolve and grow, but I believe that our growth, my growth, should be aligned with my foundation, with my essence. I’m not trying to be reborn. Who wants to reappear and lose out on all these mistakes and mess ups? All that flailing around helps me to side step that hole in the ground that I surely would fall into, had I not fallen into it before.
Maybe the point is not to reinvent yourself, or imagine that you will emerge in your 40s a learned and wise butterfly. No no. You’ll be the you that you are now, only with more steps under your belt. Great, nourishing, steps though.